First, some good news: I was accepted to go to Bible School this fall!!!
And you know what has been the number one thing people say when they find out I’m going to Bible School? “Oh, are you going to find a husband?”
Yes, I am twenty and I am single. Never had a boyfriend. Never been kissed.
Today I want to rant a bit about some lies in our culture and in Christian circles.
Singleness is not a problem that needs to be fixed.
The Bible goes so far as to call singleness a gift. By constantly bugging the singles you know and trying to set them up, you are promoting the idea that we are not complete without a significant other.
I will be honest, I don’t often see it as a gift. When I was fifteen I made a commitment to myself and to God that I wouldn’t date until I was done high school. I have never regretted this decision. But now that I’m done high school, and most of my friends are either married or in relationships, I sometimes get discontent and wonder what’s taking so long…
I was listening to a sermon about the whole thing, and Pastor Barry Kimbro said something pretty cool; “As a single person, you are able to image Christ in a way that married people can’t. You are able to give yourself away completely to everyone.”
It’s true. Because I am single, I can use my time and help in ways that married people just can’t. I don’t have any responsibility to any other person, except Jesus!
Singleness is not hell.
It hurts my heart to see teens posting about being “forever alone”, going from relationship to relationship, and doing everything they can to get a boyfriend or girlfriend.
I have learned so much about relying on Jesus being single. I have learned to go to Him when I have a bad day. To go to Him for a sense of belonging, or when I feel insufficient or insignificant. To rely on Him when I feel lonely- which is often.
That moment we go to our boyfriend/girlfriend to give us significance or identity or our source of love and affection, we turn that person into an idol.
We are meant to worship Jesus alone. Don’t turn singleness into hell and a boyfriend into a savior. He won’t able to do that job very well. Only Jesus can!
Sex is not God. Sex is not gross. Sex is a gift!
The world tells us sex is just something to do, recreation, casual, something to laugh at, no strings attached. It really does make it into a god.
Christians, reacting to this lie, sometimes give the impression that sex is dirty, something to be ashamed of.
These are both wrong.
When sex is done the way God created it, in marriage between a man and a woman, it is beautiful! He promises that it is worth the wait. I have never met anyone committed to a godly marriage that wishes they would have hooked up or dated around.
You have probably heard the analogy, but it is too good not to share… A fire is beautiful and warm and wonderful in a fire place. But the moment the fire spreads to the rest of the house it gets dangerous! And sex within marriage is safe and good. Outside of marriage it is dangerous.
Purity is a lifestyle. For everyone.
As a Christian, I am trying hard to live a lifestyle of purity. I am not trying to be pure until marriage, as if the moment you get married you have no longer any reason to be pure. That’s not how it works!
I read Every Young Man’s Battle, by Stephen Arterburn, Kenny Luck and Mike Yorkey, and it explained sexual purity this way… “Sexual purity is receiving no sexual gratification from anything or anyone outside of your husband or wife.”
A lifestyle of purity is extremely hard. I am not perfect at it. If you’ve read my testimony, you’ll know that I struggle with lust. It’s an everyday battle that I’m sure you all face. But just because we live in an oversexualized culture doesn’t mean we are off the hook. God calls us to holiness, and only by His Holy Spirit and His grace is this possible!
So to recap and answer the question once and for all:
I want to use my singleness for good. It’s the gift God has given me for now, and I’m choosing to love it and live life to the full. I want to serve Jesus with all of me, including my singleness. And if someday God wants me to serve him as a married person, I will be cool with that too.
I’m really excited to go to Bible School, but I am not intentionally trying to find someone there. That would be WAY too expensive a dating service!!!